


What I deserve

by realisticromanticbuthopelesslysingle



Category: Shameless (US)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 21:23:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1832734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realisticromanticbuthopelesslysingle/pseuds/realisticromanticbuthopelesslysingle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey's insecurities are tested.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I deserve

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt, kind of long, I got carried away a bit

I.   
Mickey was so angry he could barely hear anything besides the pounding of his own heartbeat. It wasn't like he thought Ian meant to be a flirt, he was just that perfect mixture of friendly and naive. This of course meant that every gay guy thought Ian was available and hitting on him and Ian thought everyone was just extra friendly and so nice. Mickey knew better and didn't think for a second that this rich bastard really invited Ian to his party as “just a good friend.” Mickey kind of figured it was his fault, because even though he, Ian, and everyone back home knew they were boyfriends, no one here did. As far as they were concerned Ian was single. “Fucking bullshit” thought Mickey, no way that thought should’ve made him feel sad and slightly heartbroken, but it did. It was his own fault so he couldn’t understand why he was suddenly so angry with Ian. It was irrational, and irrational people do irrational things when they are angry, that would be the only explanation Mickey had for what he did next.

****  
Ian could see Mickey looked uncomfortable, heck he had expected it. All night he had kept an eye on him but this time he noticed Mickey seemed angry, and when Mickey is angry he is itching for a fight. Ian decides it’s best to go offer some words of encouragement to try and calm his boyfriend down a bit. He smiles at the thought of having Mickey as his boyfriend. Even if the only people who know are back home in the Southside, the thought still makes Ian smile. He stops at the bar to grab 2 beers and as he turns back, beers in hand, he is stopped by Topher Paulson. He chats quickly while searching for Mickey, who all of a sudden seems to have vanished. (Is it just him or is Topher totally invading his personal space right now?) Topher has made it very clear that he is interested in Ian as more than just a friend but Ian saw Topher talking with Mickey earlier and wonders if maybe he’s finally gotten the hint. It’s not like Ian doesn’t understand the confusion though, Mickey was concerned about his coworkers knowing he was gay so he and Ian decided to let people think they were just best friends and roommates. It wasn’t a lie, just not the whole truth, and nobody had to know that their apartment was a 1 bedroom. Of course Topher, and several others, would think they had a chance with Ian. All of a sudden Ian spots Mickey and quickly excuses himself from Topher and makes a beeline for his now visibly angry, and maybe a little bit sad, boyfriend.  
“Hey Mick, you okay? I got you a beer, figured you might need a new one. You look miserable, hey Mick if it’s that bad we can just leave. Really man, I’ve made the rounds we can just go.” Mickey’s voice is quiet but Ian can hear the anger and maybe a bit of something else in his voice. “Naw Ian, you stay here, I’ll go.” Ian sighs “Mick calm down, I can tell you’re pissed at me but I have no idea why. I didn’t even do anything wrong.” Mickey rubs his face and lets out a sigh. Ian can’t read his expression so he stands and waits until Mickey starts to speak.   
“You’re free Ian, for tonight you don’t have a boyfriend or roommate or whatever. For tonight I want you to hang out here, talk about art or whatever gay shit you guys talk about. Drink fucking wine, eat whatever that shit is those waiters are carrying around, hold hands in public, make plans to go on fucking yachts, and have all that shit that a rich good looking guy like Topher can give you. Then you can decide what you really want, who you really want.”   
Ian is startled for a second “Mick, what the FUCK are you talking about! What do you mean who I really want? I want”  
“C’mon Firecrotch,” interrupted Mickey “you and I both know you’re better than the fucking Southside of Chicago, and this thing here, this fancy shit, is what you deserve. I was convenient because your other choices were apparently shitty grandpa fuckheads, but now that you’re here and fucking surrounded by rich fancy guys your own age you have a choice. You can have guys like fucking Topher, what the fuck kind of name is Topher anyway, guys who can give you what you deserve.”  
Ian can’t talk and just stares as Mickey sighs and continues “fucker’s right anyway, you two look good together, you like the same shit, and Ian Paulson sounds a shit ton better than Ian Milkovich any day of the week. It’s not fucking fair to hold you back. If you love someone let them go and all that faggy bullshit I guess.” Mickey paused briefly and realized that somewhere during his rant he went from furious to angry to just kind of sad, and if he’s being honest a little empty. “Have fun Gallagher” Mickey says and simply turns and walks away.  
Ian didn’t know what to say or think. He just stood there as Mickey walked away. Ian knew Mickey well enough to know that someone else had put these ideas in his head. Someone had hit on just the right insecurity that Mickey tried so hard to hide from everyone, including Ian. Mickey, his secretly sweet and sensitive Mickey, had been so angry and then just sad but still held firm and set Ian free. Even though Ian thought Mickey was being ridiculous he couldn’t help but smile because that’s exactly what love is. Doing what’s best for the other person despite what you want for yourself, loving someone enough to put what they want first. He turned to head back inside; he had a little something to take care of before he went after his adorably clueless boyfriend.

****  
He was smiling thought Mickey, fuck fuck fucking fuck! A small part of him hoped Ian would stop him and tell him he was wrong, But as he makes it to the valet and requests a cab (he decided to leave the car for Ian) he turned back and saw Ian smiling his big happy smile and walking back into the party. Mickey sighed, he wasn’t sure how Topher knew the truth about him and Ian but as he made his way over to Mickey during the party he could tell that he knew. Sure enough the first words out of his mouth had been “He deserves this you know, all of this, and not some airport mechanic who makes him tell people their roommates instead of boyfriends.” Mickey could feel his anger rising and his fists clenching involuntarily but he refused to embarrass Ian by getting into a fight. “You don’t know shit about him or me so fuck off and stop pretending you’re a nice guy. I know a piece of shit when I see one and I saw you coming from a mile away.”   
Topher just laughed, completely unfazed, and looked over at Ian. “His innocence is so cute, doesn’t even realize he’s turning you on just by talking huh?” It was a statement more than a question and mickey knew he said it just to piss him off. He refused to give Topher the satisfaction of making a scene so he just gulped his beer and ignored him. “He was so excited when I showed everyone the pictures from my Alaskan cruise, said he would kill to take a trip like that. Those words exactly too,” Man I’d fucking kill to take a trip like that.” Even said a Paris trip would be his dream come true.” Mickey sighed and placed his bottle on the bar ready to give this guy the ass kicking he deserved, but his hand stills as he hears that laugh that is so familiar. He turns and sees Ian laughing and enjoying himself, looking so perfectly comfortable with all of these rich bastards. Seeing that helped him reign in his anger and he continued to ignore the asshole Topher, determined not to ruin Ian’s good time. Topher still stood there watching him and just when he decided to simply walk away and join Ian the asshole spoke once again. “I can offer him those things you know. Paris, cruises, all of his dreams, can you? Plus, Topher and Ian Paulson sounds a hell of a lot better than, what did he say the name was, ah yes Milkovich.” Mickey turned toward Topher ready to give him the biggest fuck off of his life but Topher had already put his drink down and started walking away. He did however stop a few feet away and get in one last parting shot “Look man, all I’m saying is you’re Southside, you wear it all over you. Just because you’re stuck being Southside for life doesn’t mean he has to be.” With that he simply turned and walked away, like he hadn’t just said out loud everything Mickey feared was true, hell everything Mickey knew was true. Like he hadn’t just burst the happy bubble Mickey had only just allowed himself to enjoy living in.  
Mickey had the taxi drop him at the liquor store 3 blocks form their apartment. When he walked out his wallet was almost 100 bucks lighter but Mickey didn’t care. He needed to be completely shitfaced and high or he was going to spend the entire night wondering what and who Ian was doing. So Mickey smoked 2 joints and guzzled 3 beers before moving on to the hard stuff. His last thought before passing out was “Fuck Topher fucking asshole….then, Ian please don’t fuck Topher.”  
****  
Mickey was woken up by a loud bang outside his front window, fucking construction workers. It took him a second before the night came rushing back and he realized Ian’s shoes weren’t by the front door and his keys weren’t on the hook. Ian was forgetful sometimes but he always put his keys on the hook, even when they stumbled in drunk and exhausted Ian remembered keys on the hook. Sadness washed over Mickey and he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly, because his hangover was brutal, he made his way to the kitchen where he found painkillers and a note. So Ian had come home, but a quick glance in their room proved he hadn’t been there long because their bed hadn’t been slept in. The discarded clothes from Ian’s “what should I wear” episode before the party still lay thrown across the bed and floor. Mickey painfully swallowed the painkillers and began to pace back and forth with the note in his hand. He couldn’t do it, not yet. He knew he had to open it eventually but he just wasn’t ready to say goodbye. It’s already after 1 in the afternoon so Mickey shuffles to the shower and lets the hot water run over him. At least in here he could pretend the tears pouring form his eyes are just water from the shower even though he was crying so hard his shoulders shook and he could barely catch his breath. After his shower Mickey got dressed and made a decision. He would read the note, pack his stuff, and say goodbye. Their apartment was close to the city so he would let Ian keep it, he couldn’t afford it by himself anyway and the airport where he worked was closer to Southside and he knew he could find a cheaper place that he could afford by himself. A place that screamed Southside just like him. Finally he took a deep breath and opened the note.  
Mickey,   
Had to take care of some stuff but I’ll be back around 3, take the painkillers, from the look of things you’re going to have a horrible fucking hangover. DO NOT LEAVE; we need to talk in person.  
Ian  
Fucking Gallagher, of course he would want to talk in person; he was always so big on that emotional bullshit. Hmmph, no love, no X, no feel better…just his name. Ian even signed off on text messages with a love ya or XO. This couldn’t be good. Mickey sighed and packed the stuff he needed right away, he could send Mandy for anything else. He made and ate a sandwich, only because he didn’t want his stomach growling while Ian broke up with him. The thought had him pressing his eyes with the heel of his hands again and he decided then and there to stop acting like a bitch. He knew all along that he didn’t deserve Ian and had somehow gotten lucky for the first time in his miserable life by being with Ian, and yeah he knew Ian was the love of his life and now he was fucked, but he would have to just settle for the memory of the time they did have. He suddenly wished he had told Ian how he felt more often than just late at night tangled in bed just the two of them. Not that it would’ve made a difference, but he would have felt better knowing he had told Ian as often as Ian had told him instead of just smiling and replying “yeah yeah same here” all the time. When he hears the door he breathes deep and heads out to face Ian. Instead when he looks toward the door he is staring right into the face of Topher fucking Paulson.  
II.   
Ian walks back into the party with a smile thinking about Mickey and makes his way over to Topher and the rest of the guys. He can tell by the way Topher is looking that he thinks that smile is for him. He walks right up to him but his face changes as soon as he stops close and he can tell Topher recognizes the change and what’s coming. “I don’t what the fuck you said to Mickey but I know it was you, I saw you talking to him. Just know this, Mickey Milkovich is the love of my life and I am the love of his. On your best day you could never mean 1/10 of what Mickey means to me. I would lay down and die for him if I had to and I can barely stand to look at you. All of this, Ian waves his hand to encompass the entire country club ballroom, doesn’t matter to me. I’d be happy in a cardboard box under the freeway if it meant I got to be with Mickey. If you ever so much as say my or Mickey’s name again I will fucking gut you like the soulless arrogant pig that you are!” Ian turned and walked away among the gasps and shocked faces of the other partygoers and fake friends.   
He stopped at the bar on the other side of the room closest to the exit to catch his breath and grab a cold water so he could calm down when he felt someone come up behind him. “You must know you’re fired now don’t you?” Ian laughed at his friend Matt and nodded, Matt was country club since birth but a lot nicer than these other assholes. Ian humped his shoulders and said he’d figure something out but in no way regretted what just happened. Matt agreed and just when Ian was thinking of asking if Matt would keep him informed of any job opening he heard about Matt shocked him by saying “You know, the Director of Recreation job is still open down at the rehab center.” Ian hesitated and then “thanks Matt, I’m clearly in need of a new job and I loved it when I was there.” Matt smiled “Excellent, stop by tomorrow and we’ll start working things out. Plus, my wife will be thrilled, she’s wanted you back ever since her brother raved about you.” Ian smiled and then heard Matt say incoming as he walked away. As Ian turned around he saw his boss(Topher’s uncle) and Topher walking his way. Before they could say anything Ian looked at his boss and said “I thought the I quit was implied earlier but apparently not so here it is, I QUIT! You know my address, stop by after 3 tomorrow and you can have the badge, parking pass, and key card. I kinda never want to step foot in this place again.” Ian smirked and walked away.  
***  
Ian got in the car but didn’t go straight home, he instead spent 3 hours driving around thinking about Mickey and their relationship and all they had endured. He thought about all that Mickey had sacrificed for him. Ian realized that he owed Mickey an apology. He had been dragging him to yacht and country club parties ever since he met Topher while bartending 6 months ago. Topher had befriended him and gotten him a job at his parent’s country club. The job was easy and the money was crazy good. He knew Mickey hated every second of it but, besides Topher hitting on him quite openly, the people were nice. Ian had thought the guys were his friends but had lately noticed a sort of high school girl clique atmosphere among everyone. Ian felt like a selfish asshole, no wonder Mickey thought that was the life he wanted, but what he told Topher was true. He didn’t care where they were as long as he was with Mickey.  
III.   
Ian turned around as he heard Mickey growl “Get the fuck out now or you’ll be leaving in an ambulance.” Ian just smirks, turns, and throws his employee stuff toward Topher “Well you heard him, get the fuck outta here.” Mickey started to say more but was confused and just watched as Ian flipped Topher off and slammed the door. Ian turns toward Mickey but stops when he sees the bags by the couch. “You’re leaving, “he whispers as tears begin to form “I thought you said I could decide.”   
“Yeah well, not coming home last night made it pretty fucking clear what you chose.” Mickey hated the crack in his voice and hated the way Ian’s eyes got all sympathetic. “Fuck that country club and fuck Topher Paulson, I didn’t ask for this shit!” Mickey turned to pick up his bags and tried to hold on to his tough guy act to stop his brain from realizing his heart was breaking.   
“I quit.” Ian announced it quickly because he knew it would make Mickey at least stop and listen. He began explaining everything that happened, from walking back into the party to stepping off the elevator to see Topher getting ready to knock on their apartment door. “I knew he came himself so he could take one last chance to try and piss you off.” Ian was face to face with Mickey now and could see the relief wash over his face. Before he had the chance to continue the look vanished and Mickey spoke.  
“So who was it?”  
“Huh?” Ian asked in confusion  
“The bed wasn’t slept in last night Ian, who did you spend the night with?”  
Ian smirked and placed his hands on Mickey’s hips. “You Mick.” Now it was Mickey’s turn to look confused. “I came in late and saw how much you drank and how sad your face looked, even while sleeping. I felt like shit and I was worried about how much you drank, so I turned you over and slept there on the floor next to the couch. We always sleep together no matter what remember?” Mickey smiled at the memory of them promising this to each other on their first night in their new place.   
Ian smiled and continued “This morning I met up with Matt and filled out paperwork so I can start working asap and then I started working on my surprise for you.” Ian finished by wrapping his arms around Mickey’s waist “Surprise huh?” Mickey questioned feeling completely relieved that Ian hadn’t slept with anyone or anywhere but with him.   
“Yep a surprise. Mick, I love you more than anything.” Ian stared lovingly into Mickey’s eyes as he spoke “I owe you an apology. I am so sorry for making you think I wanted or needed that stupid country club life. I’m so sorry for making you feel like you weren’t enough for me. I’m so sorry for dragging you to those stupid fucking parties, and those stupid fucking dinners”  
“And for having to talk to stupid fucking Topher” Mickey interrupted and Ian smiled “yes, and for having ever met stupid fucking Topher. He is a dick and nothing I could ever want.” Mickey knew he sounded so gay and like a 12 year old girl but couldn’t stop himself from asking “Even if you two look fucking good together and he has money to take you on trips that are apparently your lifelong fucking dream?” he finishes with an eye roll but Ian notices the hint of fear in his eyes and the pink tint of embarrassment that is now covering his face, arms, and neck. Ian squeezes him “Mickey, you’re my lifelong dream…just you and what we have is all I could ever want or need. You are my dream come true.” He leans down then and kisses Mickey, letting his mouth reinforce all the words he just said. After a few seconds he broke the kiss and leaned back to look at Mickey directly “Please don’t ever leave, don’t ever say leaving me is giving me what I deserve because you leaving would be ripping my heart out. Topher isn’t right about shit, you and I look good together,” Ian pauses and smiles “besides I wouldn’t be Ian Milkovich you would be Mickey Gallagher.”  
“Ay, fuck you, like there isn’t enough Gallaghers running around.” Mickey grabs Ian even closer to him and whispers “Thank you for choosing me.” Ian shrugs “Mickey you were never convenience, you were always my choice, the only real choice. I love you Mickey.” “I love you too Gallagher.”  
IV.  
After 3 rounds of reconnecting sex Mickey and Ian showered and lay tangled together sharing Chinese takeout. “Thanks for the surprise” Mickey said “I hated you working at that country club like some sort of errand boy for rich assholes.” Mickey leaned in and kissed Ian with a smile that Ian returned happily but added “Yeah umm that isn’t the surprise.” Ian then leapt up and grabbed a folder off the shelf by the door. “I was doing paperwork with Matt for a bit but the rest of the day I was looking at apartments.” Mickey sat up now looking both parts intrigued and confused “Uh Ian, we have an apartment.” Ian smiled “Yeah, all the way out here in buttfuck hipsterville…..no pun intended” he added with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Mickey rolled his eyes and kept talking “We can still be in a nice area but closer to our families, the Alibi, and now both of our jobs. The rehab center isn’t far from the airport and this apartment I found is right smack in the middle.” “I miss seeing my family and I know you miss Mandy. I miss impromptu bonfire parties in the empty lots, I miss Friday nights at the Alibi, and making out in dark corners as we stumble home drunk. We’re Southside, no matter what, you and me. That means we look out for our family, we don’t let anybody mess with what’s ours, and we don’t pretend to be something we’re not. I’m ready to get out of this fucking hipster neighborhood full of obnoxious rich college students and live my life with you, where we’re happy.”  
Mickey couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he knew he had tears in his eyes and for once he didn’t fucking care. Ian had seen him cry twice before. A mix of happy and sad tears when Terry and Iggy were killed in a drug run gone bad and again when his aunt died and Mandy was distraught to lose the only relative besides Mickey who gave a shit about her. He pulled Ian to him and kissed him with all the love he had inside.   
After a few minutes he pulled away and grabbed the lease form from Ian to sign his name and under relationship he signed boyfriend. Ian looked shocked but Mickey just shrugged and said “I would’ve put husband but no fucking way I’m gonna be Mickey Gallagher.” Ian let out a loud laugh as he grabbed for Mickey and hungrily started kissing and undressing him, the beginning of reconnecting sex round 4.


End file.
